The Labyrinth of the SRA Mind

Here is another letter from JoJo…a survivor of satanic ritual abuse who is very gifted in explaining what she feels inside. She feels called by God to help others who have also experienced this abuse.

May 8, 2016

Today I am deeply distressed.  Today I question my very sanity! Today I am face to face with another face of SRA; the fantasy realm we create to meet our needs.  The need to communicate our feelings with other caring human beings, the need to be hugged, loved, validated.  These things are all part of healthy relationships that are necessary and essential for all human beings.  These things are denied to us and as a result we learn how to take care of ourselves by creating imaginary friends: we have imaginary conversations with imaginary phantoms of our own creating.  This becomes the place where we go when the pain gets too deep.

There is a great struggle to enter where everybody else lives and breathes, the real world, the all encompassing, hard to understand and swallow reality of life on this planet.  I can see a cushioning of cloudy fantasy around me every day.  I work hard to separate myself from it.  Let’s face it, I talk to myself sometimes as I get so lonely and need so much to speak my feelings in order to lay them before myself to evaluate and discern them.  It grieves me so much that I am that lonely and isolated that I resort to that.  I don’t want this in my life but I have found that I speak a different language than everybody else;  I think differently than everybody else and often misunderstand things said to me as I hear something else than what is going on in the conversation.  I hear fear and anxiety when others are talking love and peace.

I speak the tongue of SRA, so in order to enter a down to earth existence I have to build a bridge for myself and set up my own interpreting software in my mind.  I have to filter out all trigger words and  ask questions and pay great attention to fully comprehend what is actually  being said.  I do know that Jesus is there with me and loves me but I also have to check myself by asking questions to make sure I am “hearing this right.”  If I don’t do that I could find that things start building up in my mind; lies start to turn around and take on a life of their own.  This can become a major entanglement of bondage so I have to take the extra  effort to sort it out even though the person that I am speaking to probably does not understand what my problem is.  It is not complicated to the average person but for me it can quickly become a pit of mire and I can find myself stuck in it’s sticky trap in no time flat.  I have to just shrug my shoulders to myself and say to my own heart, “Ah, it’s that SRA again.

Oh well, Jesus is here with me and will help me through this labyrinth if I trust Him to do this.  He is our roll of twine laid behind us as we traverse the inner chambers of this never ending twisting and turning maze of the cloudiness of our own minds.  He can get us out if we trust Him.  I have to remind myself of this fact every day as I find it essential to speak truth to my confused shattered mind to change the way I see the world outside and inside my sphere of influence.  It is just something that I have to do!  jojo