Are You Looking for Jesus? Part 8: Glimpses of the Inner World
...and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time…Heb 9:28 (KJV)
Mark, a part with many failings freed into confidence in Christ.
Lie: “I am not worthy. I am never enough. I will never be enough. Every time I fail is another example of how useless I am. I will never succeed. Because of this, I am not worthy of love. I will not be accepted. I will never be treasured. I will never be cherished. I am not worthy of any of this because I am a failure, and I will always be one.”
Truth: “Oh, my child. See how you’ve been lied to. You believe you are nothing, and htat you will always be a failure. But, what you don’t know is that they tricked you. You are not really a failure at all, and you can have everything you need in me to succeed. They created circumstances where they would make you fail. Then, they would make you to think it was your fault that you failed, so that they could control you. It was all a lie. A manipulation. A trick of the light (but not the true Light). My child, I do not view you as a failure at all. If you will come to me, I will make you new, and I can give you everything you need to see that you can find true success in me. I can heal you from viewing yourself in the paradigm of success and failure. I can free you to see yourself as I see you: my child whom I love. Come to me. I will make you new.”
Testimony: Mark. Jesus wastes no time today. I can tell as we walk quickly together that he is a “man on a mission” so to speak. He moves with a sense of purpose and urgency. I determine to open myself up more fully to him and to obey him, that he may do whatever he desires in me. And so, very soon, we are here.
As we come into the room, my part paces anxiously back and forth wringing his hands. He is so worried and anxious, and his eyes are bloodshot. I get the feeling that he hasn’t slept or rested in a very long time. His pain is so deep. He worries so much about his failures and not measuring up. I can tell how deeply he just wants to be loved. He’s trying to hard to earn affection from his tormentors, but it will never work. They will always use this against him.
Jesus walks in, me following behind. He speaks the word “Peace!” in power. My part stops pacing and looks at him as one in desperate need. “Are you ready to be made free from this endless pacing and worrying?” Jesus asks. My part starts spouting off a bunch of anxious words about how badly he wants to be freed but how he simply never can because of how he always fails. Nothing has ever worked, etc. Jesus listens intently for a while, and then finally says, “Peace my child. You have never been able to change first because you were trapped in their schemes for you. Second, it’s always been by your own strength and might, and not by mine. Third, because you are trapped in sin, which further prevents your escape. But, fear not, for I am with you. I will be your God, and you will be one of my people. All of these things are impossible for you, but nothing is impossible for me. I can easily make you free, and I mean to today.”
My part quickly asks why Jesus has waited so long if it is easy for Him to free him. Jesus does not take offense. He understands (much like he understood when Mary asked why Jesus delayed, for Lazarus would not have died if he was there earlier). He lovingly says, “Oh, my child, how I’ve longed to free you for all of time. Before you were made, I knew you and wanted to free you. It was not yet time yet. But I am taking all the devil meant for evil and will use it for good. I will free you now, and I will heal you from all this hurt. In the future, this torment you have experienced will be like a faint memory, and in time, it will fade away, and all you will remember is my love.”
My part relents. He wants this so badly and will do anything to be free, being full of desperation. Jesus goes to him and encourages him to sit. Then, He coaches him through what he needs to do. The Lord shields it from me as he repents from thing after thing that he’s done. Even so, I can feel the weight coming off of me. I have born this weight and anxiety too from this part for many years now. It is so freeing. (As it is with many of my parts as the Lord frees them from their sin and lies! I am so thankful.)
Just as quickly as they begin, it seems they are finished. (Time moves so much differently here.) Jesus looks at me with such love, pride, and excitement. I can tell he’s very proud of me and very proud of my part for being willing to give up all of this. It was very hard for him. My spirit swells within me as I fell the outpouring of his love and being proud of me upon me. I soak it up, so thankful for getting to experience Him even one more time. My part’s name is Mark. He casts aside his tools as Jesus continues to coach him, and Jesus gives him new, better tools. Mark is very thankful and honored that Jesus would give him anything, as He’s already given him his freedom.
“Alright, my children, it’s time to go.” Jesus says. We turn around, and a huge entity has come in the room. It seems to fill the whole space. If I wasn’t with Jesus, I would be absolutely terrified. “You’re late!” Jesus says with a hint of humor in his voice. He is not phased or frightened by this mighty beast in the slightest, even though it’s much bigger visually than Him. He yells out mighty words in the strength of His might, and the entity must leave as quickly as it has come. Nothing can stand against Jesus’ might. The doorkeepers tremble as we draw near, Jesus barely has to say anything to get them to leave. They know they don’t stand a chance against Him. (I am reminded of the demoniac who had a legion of demons in him when Jesus cast them out into the pigs.)
And just like that, Mark is free. We are walking joyously and quickly to the safe place. I am in such awe at what the Lord is doing. Mark is excitedly asking Jesus so many questions. He has so much he wants to learn, and Jesus is excitedly teaching him many things. Mark is so excited to be with the Lord and loves being free. He is thankful the Lord chose to visit him today.