Are You Looking for Jesus? Part 26: Glimpses of the Inner World
…and unto them that look for him shall he appear a second time…Heb 9:28
Email Subject: T: Mark, Mary’s testimony, a battle, and many parts freed.
Testimony: We’re walking together now. Jesus shared this morning that we would be freeing a part after I finished work today. I am so excited to help this part get free. I haven’t slept well the past few nights, with them getting super anxious around when the sun goes down. That heart-thumping alert anxiety lasts well into the night, making it hard to sleep for a while. Jesus heard me as I talked with Him last night and this morning and agreed that we would save my part tonight. I love getting to think as I walk next to Jesus. It’s the safest place in the world.
He looks at me, and I know He knows what I’m thinking. I’m so thankful for Him. I don’t have to be afraid that He’ll be disappointed in me, hurt me when I’ll fail, or anything like that. I can be myself with Him. It’s so healing and refreshing. I see a glint in His eye, and I know He knows I long to run and play and do fun things with Him too. He says He wants too as well and looks forward to doing all kinds of things with me in the future. He knows it’s hard right now as we’re freeing so many parts, but He loves spending time with me and really loves getting to listen while I play guitar. My heart melts all over again, and I find myself just being so thankful for my Lord.
“Alright, my son, we’re almost here.” He shares. “This one is going to be hard, but don’t worry, I will be with you.” I ask if Lilly and Mary are still with us, and then just after I ask, I look down and see Lilly and Mary are with us too! I give Lilly a big hug. I say hi to Mary, and she is pretty quiet and reserved. I’m sure she’s learning a lot and am so thankful she’s with us.
Jesus looks at me, and I know it’s time. We’re at another door, and we go inside. It’s very strange inside here. I find it hard to get my bearings. Jesus comforts me, and we keep walking. It’s so big. “He’s hiding” Jesus reveals. “This little one has been through so much. This is a very dark place, full of evil. It will be hard for him, but we will help him. Trust me, ‘J.’ He will be free.” I choose to trust him, and we continue walking into the massive chamber. I would never want to be here without my Lord. Even the air feels evil.
I see my part peek his head out from behind a rock, glimpse us coming, and run off. Jesus does not cry out after him or scold him. I realize He’s letting my part get used to Jesus’ presence as we calmly walk and my part continues to run from rock to rock. All of the sudden, he jumps out with a shriek and tries to attack us. He goes into a frenzy trying to hurt us, and I feel so very sorry for him. I know he’s just really scared and wants to hurt us before we hurt him. He’s not able to hurt us, as every attack lands and does no harm. Jesus kneels down as my part keeps trying to hurt him and breaths a whoosh of air on him. All of a sudden, he is still.
I feel a spirit coming up, enraged that Jesus isn’t letting it control my part anymore. Jesus forces it to leave, saying it is not allowed to control my part anymore. It shrieks and cries out and tries to hurt us, but it cannot. I can feel how badly it wants to throttle us and throw my part into fits to hurt him. But, he can’t. Jesus commands again, in a sterner voice for it to leave, and it bellows out curses as it obeys. I can hear it for a little bit, and then it is gone.
I realize just how little this part is as he stands here now calmly. I can see his eyes and demeanor demonstrate he is full of questions. He has no idea what’s going on. Jesus kneels down to him and calmly explained what’s happened to him and what’s been done to him. He knows from the start that he doesn’t want to serve the darkness and wants to serve the Lord who’s made him free from the demon that was controlling him. It seems like it didn’t control him all the time but would take charge at moments, like after we had been following him for a bit when he tried to attack us.
Jesus happily explains what he needs to do to be free, and he’s shocked. “That’s all?” he asks. “Yup!” Jesus gladly responds, letting out a hearty laugh that fills the place and made the whole place feel so much safer and lighter. So, my part, Mark, decided he wanted to follow Jesus. My Lord happily explained each step to Mark, and he couldn’t be any more excited to leave Satan’s way behind to follow the Lord. He happily let each covenant go and repented of each and every sin. He was amazed that Jesus didn’t judge him but supported him as he repented of it all. The Lord didn’t even chastise him for all the bad things he had done. He soon realized Jesus understood and really wouldn’t hurt him.
Once they were done, he asked what he should do with all the things he had been given by the devil. He didn’t want them anymore! Jesus said he could burn them up if he wanted, and Mark nodded immediately. He would like that very much. Jesus went over to the many tools and burnt them all up in moments. And suddenly, they were no more!
We all celebrated together, and the Lord clothed Mark anew. He wanted to wear cozy clothes with an outer cloak and inner robe like people did in Bible times. He liked this very much and loves his new clothes. (Though, he says they look much more realistic than what we see in movies.) It’s time for us to go. As we turn around, I realize we’re not alone. There’s a vast horde of evil beings that mean to bar our way. Jesus looks at me, and there’s a great weight in his eyes. I ask him what we should do.
It turns out, it’s not just evil spirits and demons in this horde. There are parts here as well. If we defeat them, they will be punished. Jesus looks at me, and I know his heart hurts for me and for them. “If we do this, it will have consequences for you, ‘J.’ I know it’s been really hard lately, and you’ve longed for reprieve. If we cast all these demons out and don’t allow these parts to accomplish their jobs, they will be punished severely.” I look down at Mark, and my heart hurts so much. I don’t want to be under attack again, but I will not stand for Mark to stay here one more second than he has to. I ask the Lord what we should do. “The choice is yours, ‘J.’ I will not make it for you. We can free some of these parts, but not all of them. It’s not time for them all to be free quite yet. We can leave Mark here, but it would be so very hard for him and very painful. I would not suggest this, but I know it will be very painful for you if he walks free. This is why I wanted you to know this, that you could make the decision for yourself.”
My soul feels tormented. I’ve suffered so much spiritually over the last week, and I’ve longed for rest and reprieve. It’s hard to know I’m going to go through more so soon. But, I know I want Mark and as many other parts as possible to go free. “I am your servant, my Lord. Thank you so much for showing me so much love in letting me choose. You know my heart breaks at enduring more hard things, but I want Mark to be free. Will you please help me with the hard things to come and shield me from as much as you can, while accomplishing in me what you want to?” He nods gravely at me. “Yes, my son. I will. I will not ever leave you alone; I will be with you. I will not allow this to overtake you, and I will not allow them to blot my presence and voice out like they did before, so that you can still hear and feel me. This I promise you, my son. I will take care of you and keep you, and I will use this time to make you even more like me. Take heart my son, for it will be hard, but I will be with you, and we will overcome the darkness and dark time together.”
And so, we all turn towards the horde, and I feel like I’m in a movie. Jesus cries out with a mighty shout, and I feel the whole place reverberate with his pure power. All the spirits flee, and about half of the parts flee as well. I nearly cry as I see them run, mourning the punishment they will receive. My heart longs to save them too. I know that day is coming swiftly though. The remaining parts stand firm. I realize they aren’t frozen or anything; they just didn’t flee.
They rush at us with a mighty war cry, raising all sorts of weapons of torment and war. Jesus blows out a mighty wind from his mouth, and the whole place becomes still. No-one dares move. Jesus cries out in a mighty voice, “Today, you will all be free. I have come. I am the light of the world. The darkness cannot overcome me. You all have been lied to in so many ways. The devil does not love you. He does not cherish you. You are not special to him at all. He would sooner dispose of you than take any harm to himself. Your only use to him is in getting to manipulate you to accomplish his purposes and fulfilling his wicked desire to see people suffer. This has gone on long enough. I am here today that you all may walk free. You may see someone next to me. Her name is Mary. Ah, I know you recognize her name. She was very powerful in the way of the enemy. Recently, she chose to give up all of her power to follow me. I showed her that my power is far greater. I did not treat her harshly nor scold her for her mistakes. I showed her my love and forgiveness, and I have made her new. I truly do love her, and I truly do love all of you as well just as much. I will free you from your chains to the devil and will show you the truth.”
He looked down at Mary, and she looked up at him, her eyes gleaming. I knew she is so thankful to be in him, and I can feel his power and presence welling up in her. She nods her head and steps forward to address my other parts. “He is right,” she declares. “He has been nothing but good to me, even though I had committed all forms of atrocities. I should have deserved nothing but hate and shame for all that I had done, but he showed me love. You know how powerful I was. I brought my full power to bear against him, and it didn’t hurt him in the least. Nothing I could do could even harm him or those under his protection. Just as you have seen today, he has power over the demons and spirits. He has power to forgive sin. If your hands are stained red with blood, He has power to make them clean. Truly clean. He has no deceit in him at all. He’s never even lied once for all of time or outside of time. Come join us. He really can make you new, and he really is so much better than all these other masters you serve. Look at me.” She said this as she laid herself down on the ground before the Lord, face up. Jesus looked at her with so much love and adoration. All of us stared in expectation as Jesus gently went over to her, took her by the hand, and kindly raised her up. He gave her a huge hug and swung her around like a father swinging his child around during playtime. They both laughed as they twirled. Jesus set her down, and both of them were filled with joy.
I could see this touched all of my parts so deeply. They all longed for this kind of love and affection and had NEVER felt safe enough to lie down in front of anyone like that without fear of being hurt. In unison, they laid down their weapons and armor and ran to us with shouts of joy. They knelt before the Lord and asked if he would twirl them around like that and what they needed to do to be saved by him and become his people. Many different parts kept piping up asking different questions for what he would do with them, and there was so much joy and expectation.
Jesus’ eyes were so full of love and admiration. He told each and every part what they needed to do to be saved, and each one happily complied. You couldn’t have asked them to repent and give up things fast enough to the Lord! They were sold out, knowing they absolutely wanted him. He went to each one and freed them, giving them new clothes and all sorts of gifts. This is a great blow to the enemy, I realize. They dance around and celebrate, and the place is full of joy and laughter. There are a lot of them. Mark, Lilly, and Mary run over and join in the fun. Jesus comes and pats me on the shoulder, and I feel the depth of His love for all of me. “Remember, my son, I will be with you. I know it will be really hard, but I am so glad we freed all of them. Look how happy they are.” I looked on and saw them all playing like carefree kids. “Remember this moment when you are struggling in the days to come. Come back and read it if you need to. This is what we’re fighting for, ‘J.’ We’re fighting so every little and old one within you can run free and be themselves. It will be so worth it in the end, and this fight will not go on forever. In time, I will help you run and not grow weary and walk and not faint. For now, it is hard, but do not fear. I am with you, and I will be your God. I love you, my son.”
He wraps me up in a huge hug and twirls me around too. I feel so free and alive and safe all at once. My Lord is so fun. He then releases me and runs over to my parts, picking them up and twirling them around too as they cackle and laugh. It takes a while, but he twirls each and every one, just as they asked. Once he’s done, he announces it’s time to leave. We see the doorkeepers are still there, but they’re shaking violently. With one word from the Lord, they run in terror. And so, we have a merry time walking to the safe place together. Once again, the Lord leads us in triumphant procession, and the sounds of our joy and laughter can be heard for a long ways. Even so come my Lord. May your kingdom come in me and your will be done, just as it is in heaven!
