Are You Looking for Jesus? Part 12: Glimpses of the Inner World
…and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time…Heb 9:28, KJV
From “J”: Many more parts freed this afternoon in stillness, and drinking some Pink Lemonade with Jesus.
Testimony: This afternoon, after I finished lunch and spent some time watching more videos on Patricia’s series on Jacob’s twelve sons, I felt it was time for the Lord to work on freeing more parts again.
We spoke together about how we wanted to do it. He gave me the option: We could work together, me recording things as we went, or He could go and do the work, also releasing other parts such as David and Michael to work as well. The choice was up to me. I asked Him if the works needed to be recorded and shared, and He said they could, but they didn’t need to be. We already have plenty, and there are plenty more to come.
I decided that it is more important that He’s able to free as many parts as possible in me right now, and that He would be able to move much faster if He was moving on His own without me being there too. I love getting to be able to see it all and write it down, but I know it slows things down. He agreed that it would be faster and would allow them to free many more parts this way, and He was pleased.
So, we decided He would go and do the work with my parts etc., and I was to be still. This time, He had me rest in my chair (my dog at the start for the first while resting in my lap). I was to be in silence, without any music playing etc. He wanted me to just rest. Even if I fell asleep, it would be alright. I had completely opened myself up to Him and submitted to His work, and He stated He would still have the ability to work even if I dosed off. So, I sat there and rested in stillness for a while.
Eventually, I checked in, and Jesus and my parts were still working. They had freed a great many parts, but they still had a ways to go. Jesus offered that I could recline my chair a bit to be more comfortable, and so I did. My dog got startled (she’s pretty jumpy) and jumped off, but that was okay. I reclined back and was even more comfy as I continued to rest. In time, Jesus let me know they were almost done. I soon started feeling a bit sick, like I was coming down with a cold. He let me know Satan was trying to do this to me through a part but not to worry. The Lord would free this part, as He did not have for me to be sick this evening. It will be a good evening, full of celebration, not of feeling sick like the devil wanted it to be.
And so, I continued to rest, Him checking in every so often. Soon, He was done! He invited me to come and be with Him in the Safe Place. We sat at a lovely table outside overlooking the beautiful view. We drank Pink Lemonade together; it was delicious! He joked with me how it was real pink lemonade, unlike the fake stuff we drink in real life. I laughed and asked if it was made of pink lemons, and He chuckled and said, “Something like that.” We both laughed some more. It had a kick to it and burned a little in my throat. I coughed a bit one time while drinking it. I asked what that was, and He said, “purity! Even now it’s helping to purify you more and more as you drink it.”
We sat there talking and enjoying each others company for a while. I thanked Him for all that He’s doing in me, and we celebrated His work in me and all that He’s done over this last few weeks. He’s freed hundreds, if not thousands of parts. It amazes me. I feel that it’s not important for me to keep track. It’s only important that I keep seeking the Lord and obeying Him. He will take care of the rest and will be faithful to tell me what I need to know when I need to know it.
As we sat there together, I pondered what He had told me before all of this happened. In the very beginning, before He had freed a single part, and when I was just beginning to truly seek Him and try to walk in obedience to Him, He had told me to read a verse in Isaiah 51.
In it, it says, “For the LORD comforts Zion; he comforts all her waste places and makes her wilderness like Eden, her desert like the garden of the Lord.” At the time, I figured this meant He was going to take the incredibly hard circumstance I had been thrust into, and He would turn it around to bring life, joy, and peace in my life. Essentially, that He would take this dark, desert, waste place and turn it into a place so teeming with life, like the Garden of Eden.
However, as time passed, I realized something special about the Garden of Eden. It was there that Adam and Eve were able to walk with the Lord and talk to Him. They were perfect as well. They were able to do all that the Lord had purposed for them to do in freedom and joy, without any sin to corrupt them yet.
As He’s been moving in me, I realized that I’ve been increasingly experiencing this kind of communion with Him. I’ve been walking with Him in the Safe Place and also whenever He brings me somewhere to free a part. Not only that, but He walks in me all the time when He’s going around freeing parts Himself.
Also, He’s been speaking to me. More and more, I can talk to Him, and He talks back. I’m learning how to connect with Him, that I can seek His presence, and often He can be found. He even has times when He’ll more “walk with me in the cool of the day,” when we can just walk together and talk, or sit and talk like earlier. Though this has been less common, I believe it will become increasingly common as time goes on.
He’s also perfecting me. This has been an amazing season of purification in me, as every part gets freed, another portion of me is repenting of their sins and iniquity, and darkness is leaving me. As He frees more and more parts, this will only continue. Not only that, but He’s perfecting me as the front as well, revealing sins to me, covenants I must break as well that I didn’t realize I had ever made (not sure how that works yet, but I trust Him), and even showing me fears that must be revealed and repented of as well.
As I pondered all of this, I came to and realized I was still sitting with Jesus. He looked at me knowingly, and I knew He had seen all I was thinking of. He agreed. He is so excited for all that He is doing in me, and I am too. I cannot wait to experience even just a little bit more of Him. He’s showing me that nothing I have to give up: no sin I must turn from, no fear I must walk through, no iniquity I must be cleansed of, no desire that must be broken off, no physical thing I must lose, or anything else I must relinquish will be worth anything compared to just gaining a little bit more of Him. He is so incredibly satisfying. Now, I am excited when He reveals a sin I must repent of, for I know I will be able to walk in even just a little more freedom to Him.
(Also, He has shown me and my parts that He loves them, even in their sin, and He is not going to hurt me or punish me when sin surfaces. This has been deeply healing for me, as before I expected to be punished when I messed up, so I would push things down and hide them from myself and the Lord out of fear of punishment. But, now, I can bring them out freely before my God, knowing He will make me clean, and He delights in me.)
(I am going to add here some emails between “J” and me that I thought might be helpful.) First my comments about his pink lemonade experience with Jesus and then his answer.
Pat: This is all so precious. It is like treasures of silver and gold and precious stones. How many people have ever had the privilege of seeing God like this? Hardly any, I should think. I am so blessed to be a part of your healing process.
What you were saying here lines up with what I believe. Over the years I have known that every part I meet that goes to the safe place has just gone through the process of sanctification. They’ve been cleansed of all sin and healed.
“J”: Amen and amen! I am so thankful to get to share this and feel so blessed to be a part of my healing process too, haha. I never would have expected this kind of thing to truly happen in me, and I am soaking in every moment of it.
That is so cool!! Jesus is so wonderful, and I am so thankful that He’s doing this in me. I feel Him catapulting me into this closeness of walk with Him, and it’s blowing my mind. It all feels so touched by Him. Even things that I need to understand are presented to me at the proper time as I read your website, His Word, or even just ask Him questions about what He tells me. I also have times when I can think back to a moment and time in my past when I learned something or pondered something, and it connects. He was very clear to me early on that He has been preparing me for this my whole life, and nothing I’ve been through has been an accident (not that He caused all the abuse and brokenness, but that He’s been very intentionally building up things in me, showing me things, and teaching me things over the years that I didn’t even realize He was teaching me.). I’m finding things encouraging me or instructing me that I learned over a decade ago sometimes.